*Note* All photos here are taken from tumblr and I do not own any of it! Haha!
Okay! I think my life is getting more and more pathetic! Not like I'm trying to get attention from others, but what actually triggered me to write this post is because, I feel that I'm always being misunderstood or wronged for the wrong reasons.
Since Young
I don't really have any friends in primary school, not until secondary school and thereafter.
Some of you might have read my previous entries that I was physically and verbally abused my my siblings, most of the time that is. That is why when you begin to know me, I'm kinda socially awkward and don't really talk. People might find me arrogant and stuck up for that.
Knowing that my age gap with my 3 elder sisters is HUGE! I find it hard to have any say when I'm at home. I was often bullied, that explains why I have such low self-esteem. Really, people who thinks I have high self-esteem, its just to cover it up! Cuz I don't wanna be seen as someone who is such a defeatist. I want to prove to people I can actually achieve something in life.
That is when
My life had complete turnover, I had friends, people who are willing to be my friends despite me being super crazy and irritating to them. They loved me for who I am, and not judging me based on how I look or how I act.
As Years Goes By
I realized that, as more "friends" I have, I always have some that left me! It hurts, it really hurts seeing the ones you love, leaving you.
There was once I had this friend, lets call him Jack, Jack is one of my closest guy friend that I ever had, cuz I hardly have any guys friend that understands me.
We were close, close to the extend where we could really talk our hearts out, make fun of each other, and knowing how irritating the other party is but still giving in to one another.
LIKE A BRO!
But as the day goes by, he met some other friends, which I felt that I was losing this special friend of mine.
AND YES!
We were no longer close, his mind was set towards his new bunch of friends. I was left out. Or maybe its just me being a total loser that doesn't know how to handle friendship and I suck.
Throughout The Years
I've made new friends, and more friends. I find it hard to cope with all of them sometimes, then again it explains why my Jack wasn't close to me after he had found his new bunch of friends. It kinda hurts when my friend doesn't understand the situation I'm caught in. It's not that I don't care about the friendship anymore, it's just that I'm trying really hard to balance my life. Cuz I want to keep those (my current) friends that I have with me, I don't wanna lose anyone of them.
Then some of them will say, I have this new group of friends then I don't care about the old ones anymore. NOT TRUE AT ALL! I still care! If I don't, I won't even bother talking to you anymore! Yes, No?!!
One thing that I dislike about is this group of my friend talking bad about my other group of friends, that is when I shut myself out. Cuz really, I care about both sides, and I hate drama!
But Then Again
I've heard about people talking bad stuff behind my back, but the stupid and naive me chose to believe it, see and hear it with my own eyes and ears. Okay la! Call me dumb! But I always have this perspective of never to judge people until you get to know them. So yea, till date, I don't really know who is real and true to me anymore.
Nevertheless
I still love all my friends, really, please don't judge me because I'm not spending enough time with you.
All I know of now is, People Change, But Memories Stays. I forgive, but I'll never forget what people say or do to me.
I may be smiling, but you never know, deep down inside, my heart's hurting.
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